Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

On April 25th, 2011, I stepped out of my comfort zone and put on a bathing suit for the first time in 23 years.

The last time I wore one, I was 11 and the old lady at the pool (Lewis's grand mother) asked my sister if I was pregnant and proceeded to talk about me as if I was not there.

I never wore a bathing suit again.

Today I decided to break that streak and put one on. I've lost over 200lbs and maintained my weight loss for the past 9yrs.

A new love affair

I've always been in to fashion but lately it has been an obsession. I have been following Style Pantry for a while, and I am so in love with that site. I thought I would share a few things that I'm loving right now.

Blair of Atlantic Pacific. I am loving this look

Sequin Blazer + Tuxedo Shirt + Bell Bottom Jeans

Green Sweater + White Button-up Shirt + Gold Pants

I love the company of strangers

Earlier this year I took a break from "the crowd" and focused on self, kids, school, business & my relationship.

When I started to weed my garden of friendship, I found that most of my flowers were gone with only a few still standing. So, I decided to start planting new seeds, and in the process I found that I really enjoyed meeting new people.

I've always been the first to speak in a crowd of strangers (I ain't never scared LOL) but I've found that I'm more comfortable around people that I don't know. Even my online interactions are that way.

I would never share my blog or You Tube videos on Facebook for fear of being judged by people who "THINK" they know me. I love talking and interacting with strangers because they don't "THINK" they know you & they're willing to get to know you. It gives me a sense of freedom when I'm able to be open and free with my words. I come from a close minded family of overly judge mental people who's main goal is to see you fail. My mentality is on a different level.

 I'm a free spirit who appreciates people "AS IS" flaws and all. There is so much beauty in building new relationships.

Looking back on past mistakes

Lately, I have been thinking about my first marriage & the mistakes that I made. I'm the first to admit that the fall of my marriage was just as much my fault as his.

To be honest, I don't know how it really feels to be a wife.

When I met my ex, we were young and in love. No one could tell me that years later I would be sitting here typing about what was.

When I look back over my marriage, I realized that I was his mother NOT his wife. I always had to be in control of every thing & never allowed him to be the man. I think it's because I've always had to take care of myself. In my mind, "If I don't do it, who will?" was what I lived by. At the time, I didn't see anything wrong with my actions besides I was always right.

Fast forward to today...

God has blessed me with an awesome mate that loves me beyond measure. Walking into this relationship, I was open to change. I want to know what it is to be a wife & not always have to be in control. I do have my moments, and he has no problem with putting me back into my place & I am more then ok with that.(smile)

I told him that I wanted to be June Cleaver with a Job. I want to allow him to have the final say.

I know some women may read this and say I'm crazy.

But hey, this is what I want.

My hubby isn't demanding, and he's the calmest, most laid back person I know. He never stresses over the small stuff and always keeps a cool head. I, on the other hand, can get out of pocket at times and I'm always trying to over think the situation. We have a perfect balance.

So if we have the perfect balance, why do I have this fear of failing again? Why am I afraid that something is going to happen?

My thoughts on seeking a mate...

What is the most important character trait that you look for when choosing a mate? If I had to choose only one trait for me it would be self worth. The way a person views them self is very important. If they have a negative view of themselves that's going to cause issues when trying to build a relationship. 
I've also noticed that most people don't take the time to get to know people anymore. For me it's important to have a list of standards & these standards can be adjusted depending on the individual situation. Having a list of character traits that you desire in a mate is a great starting point when seeking a mate. In addition you should have a list of what you can offer/ bring to the table.