My heart is becoming a breeding ground for those things that we as humans call feelings. I guess it's human nature to catch these from time to time but for me it's a difficult task because over the years I have had to place a steel frame around my heart. I know you're thinking she's always talking about being a free spirit and giving & receiving love freely and now she over here having issues with catching feelings. F.Y.I. people I'm human!!! (Insert me screaming to the top of my lungs here) Trying to decide if it's wise to become vested in someone that you're kinda digging can be a rather difficult task. I'm a firm believer in building a solid foundation of friendship prior to pursuing more with someone. My question is how does one put those "FEELINGS" away so that they don't taint the friendship during the growth process? This is my current dilemma. Wanting to give more than what's required has been something that I have always had a habit of doing. On the other hand who's to say that I'm give too much? I have a habit of taking on a "MOM" role in relationships. How does one stop doing this? And once the friendship is established how does one move on to the second phase without there being a disconnect? I just want to take my time and build a healthy long lasting relationship with someone that I can call my best friend.
It can be a bit tough. I applaud you for wanting to build the foundation of friendship first before going further. There are so many people that get so caught up in the good feelings and they wait until afterwards (and possibly too late) to psychoanalyze the building process. I say take it step-by-step. Look for signs that the other person wants to take it to the next level. Have the two of you been interacting enough to where you can truly pick up that the feelings you have for this person is reciprocal? Do you have a time frame? What I mean by time frame is: Have you set a deadline to where if things aren't progressing at the pace you'd like, then you're ready to come clean with the feelings? If you express your feelings and the person doesn't feel the same way, will you truly be comfortable with maintaining the friendship or will the romantic feelings and the rejection be too painful of a reminder and you have to walk away?
ReplyDeleteMany years ago, there was this guy in college I was very close to. He and I were inseparable. People actually thought he and I were a couple. We were just that dang close. He was there for me through everything. Everyone else saw that he had these feelings for me and that he was in love with me. He was in the same dilemma you were in--whether to hold back, whether to tell me, etc. When he finally told me, it was after him seeing me get in failed relationship after failed relationship. I was starting to recognize there were things broken in me that I needed to fixed, and I loved him so much that I thought it was better that he not deal with me in a girlfriend capacity; I thought that all he needed from me was friendship. I thought I was saving him; I didn't want to damage him. He didn't see it that way. He told me he couldn't just put his feelings away, and if I couldn't be with him in a romantic fashion then the whole friendship was over. I was angry for being given an ultimatum but hurting because I knew I would have to lose him as a friend, since I could not commit to him.
Please just take your time. I learned that not every person I am "digging" I have to necessarily be in a relationship with. Some of those "digs" should have been buried.
Guess I got a bit long winded...oops.